matilda

On a Roll

2010-02-26T13:07:00.001-05:00

I'm on a roll. I have 4 lovely melodies that I have to write lyrics to. I have a general idea as to what I'd to focus for each song. I'm hoping that I'll have a song about mothers - in time for Mother's Day.

In other news, I'm going to be able to record some of my more simple songs (as in just piano or piano and guitar or even just guitar) in mid March. I'm looking forward to sharing this and receiving feedback.

So Far in February

2010-02-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

During this past weekend, I was able to finish writing the lyrics to another song. This time the song is played on the piano and it's a quite simple melody but this way it helps carry the lyrics. So that makes the total number of finished songs to 4. I have the complete melody to another song but I've yet to put lyrics to it. But that will raise the total number of completed songs to 5.

I need about another 5 - 6 more songs in order to do the small backyard concert I plan on holding in August. I'm not sure if I can pump out 5 or even 6 songs in the next few months but it's a must! I want to have a few songs under my belt.

This means I need to purchase an acoustic plug in and some mics for recording. It's all money that needs to be spent.

2010-01-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

I realize that I haven’t had that much to update except that I wish that I could have put up my Winter Song online but due to time constraints I was unable. However, I’m hoping to do three cover songs.

Love for Granted by Phoenix
Fake Empire by The National
The Great Escape by Patrick Watson

But I am still working on some other songs of my very own. The band resumes practice this Saturday for a few hours.

I’ve also started to look for a software that can transcribe music that I write into my mac. But this requires heavy researching to make sure that I purchase the right software. Other than that I need more mics set up in the basement.

This Past Saturday

2009-12-08T20:22:00.000-05:00

In time for Winter, I wrote a winter song on the piano. The melody is supposed to remind you of snow falling and I think I managed to capture the feeling.

Louie, Joyce and John helped me out and I've gotta say that I'm liking the song more and more. And this Saturday we're meeting up especially to record this one song. I can't wait because it is then going to get posted online.
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Finally Another Song

2009-12-01T12:04:00.002-05:00

It's taken me some time but I think I've managed to come out of my funk. I wrote a song last Thursday. It's partially completed but I've managed to come out of my writing block. I was in my room and strumming the guitar, grabbed a rhythm and then came the lyrics. So far I have the first verse and the chorus down pat. And now all I need are 5 other verses and I'll have a song!

This one is more upbeat in tempo and Louie and Joyce can add their drumming and piano. We tried it out this past Saturday and it wasn't bad but John forgot to show up so we were missing the other portion. But this Saturday we are getting together to try recording it so I need to finish my lyrics.

And I've set a goal up. To have a mini concert in my backyard with an open invitation to friends for August 2010. So I guess I should really get a move on and rework some of my other songs. Hopefully Louie can find someone who plays the violin and cello to add to my other two songs that are rather slow but finished. So I'm nearing the completion of my third song.

As soon as I have something concrete I will post it on my blog!

First Session

2009-11-23T13:22:00.000-05:00

It always surprises me how quickly Christmas seems to creep up but next week marks the beginning of December and this past weekend, I got a few friends together to have a jam session. I don't think I was prepared enough so tried to work on one song.

We're meeting up again this Saturday and I plan on being better prepared. As soon as I have some decent recordings I'll make sure to post online.

Autumn is Fast Approaching

2009-08-27T13:08:00.000-04:00

I know that I haven't been involved with my music as I was a few months ago. I wrote two full songs and worked on some melodies but hit a roadblock when it came to writing the lyrics. Then on top of that I started a business on the side and unfortunately my music fell to the wayside. This isn't to say that I've completely forgotten it but as promised I am churning out new melodies and new lyrics.

There are two piano pieces that I have been working on and another piece I've crafted with my cousin HanJin. So things are starting to pick up again and I hope that if all goes well I can dedicate more of my time to my music. After all this is my ultimate dream. What's funny is that I've come to realize this even more when I went to see Coldplay in concert.

As I stood amongst the thousands of fans up in the nose bleeds, I remember being in awe that so many people could gather in one area to listen to a band perform. It was definitely an experience and the energy amongst the crowds was high. I felt a pang of longing... wishing I could be up on the stage performing. And I distinctly remember myself saying one day.

So back to the grind. I have to work hard and be consistent and shell out my emotions and write it out to share with others.
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2009-08-17T08:48:00.000-04:00

I am launching a new company tomorrow called THE PAPER WHALE and that has consumed my time for the past few months. I will be going back to my music in September.
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Back Burner

2009-08-04T00:16:00.000-04:00

With the launch of The Paper Whale approaching music has taken a back seat to everything else. But I do have grand plans in store. My goal is to record in October so watch out.
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2009-07-26T19:10:00.000-04:00

Haven't had been writing music for a bit. Can't believe its almost the end of July and I still haven't managed to get further in my writing.

I spent a few days in NY city and yesterday I heard a song by the Broken Social Scene while eating at Momofuku and it made me want to sing, play and perform.

And while I sit in the cramped airplane waiting to take off I dream of my guitar and playing it in my backyard but the harsh reality is that I have to go to work tomorrow.
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2009-07-13T18:04:00.000-04:00

I just reread my blog post and it sounds so cheesy!
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2009-07-13T18:02:00.000-04:00

Inspiration can be derived from anywhere. I love music. The weather and other musicians can inspire me. It like a constant burning flame. I hope it never burns out.
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2009-06-29T08:53:00.000-04:00

I'm listening to Brooke Fraser and I have to say that I love her lyrics and music. Its positive and upbeat and multi dimensional.

To get my songs up to the same level, I need to kick it up a bit. Louie got a hold of a bass and I still have to go to cousin's place to borrow his electric guitar. Then I have to rent an electronic drum kit. Its a bit of work I hope to slowly get there. Any violin players out there?
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2009-06-28T15:58:00.000-04:00

This weekend I managed to fit in some music. I'm trying to reform the callous I used to have on my left hand - fingertips. Its a slow and somewhat painful process. And though it may seem a bit odd I love the feeling of having calloused fingertips.
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2009-06-24T07:45:00.000-04:00

My next step in adding to my music is to acquire an electric drum kit. I'm borrowing a bass from my friend and an electric guitar from my cousin. With the help of many people I'm slowly able to build onto my dreams.
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In The Works

2009-06-16T22:59:00.001-04:00

June is crawling to and end. I can't believe how it flashes by. Today I signed up online to Sound Cloud. It allows users to upload their own music and lets others download and share. Its great for those who are sharing their music for the first time and want other people to listen to it.

I worked out a few more melodies with Han Jin (John) today. He's my cousin. Although he doesn't play professionally he's helped me add to my songs as he is better playing the guitar than me.

I hope that by mid July I will have two songs posted on my blog and facebook page as well as my myspace page. Then in October I might try to post something on youtube.

Keep your fingers crossed that something great will come out of this.

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2009-06-11T10:40:00.001-04:00

I went into a washroom stall today to record a melody I had in my head.

I'm living the realistic dream.

Keane

2009-06-06T23:56:00.000-04:00

I have a crush on Keane. When you can play a song over and over and over again, you know you're in love. There are many songs that I grow tired of but only a handful that I can listen to over and over and over again.

My loves include Radiohead (their earlier work), Sixpence None The Richer's Kiss Me, Keane's Somewhere Only We Know, Massive Attack's Teardrop, Brooke Fraser's Shadowfeet, Brandie Calile's Save All Your Goodbyes and Coldplay's Yellow.

It never fails to amaze me how some songs can continue to move you in some way time and time again. If my songs could be someone else's love then I'd know I did something right.
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2009-06-04T08:38:00.000-04:00

I spent over two hours straight last night trying to record a song I finished but I was unsatisfied with what I ended up with. This song was written on the piano and after playing the song over and over again and singing it over and over again I don't know if its good anymore.

I suppose that's the trouble - when you play something repeatedly then the song may sound the same.

This new song is more up tempo and requires drums, base and electric guitars. But I'm going to go home and try again. Slow songs are easier to write and compose. Trial and error. So I'm going to try again.
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2009-06-01T08:15:00.001-04:00

I'm driving to another day of work. Another hour stuck in traffic. But I have Silversun Pickups in the background and I must say that I love it.
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2009-06-01T01:37:00.001-04:00

Today I did nothing. I didn't have anything on my schedule so I had a chance to work on my music. Lately I've been having difficulty finishing songs - whether it be melodies or lyrics. But after fiddling around for a few hours I've come up with an up tempo song that's a bit on the bright side.

I have the music and I was working on my lyrics and got to the fourth stanza. I need to finish the fourth stanza followed by three more that would then complete the chorus. This would have to be followed by four more stanzas that would complete pretty much the whole song! I really like this piece especially since it differs from my moody songs.

I think I am going to call this song either The Years or... The Mountain. I will have to finish this and move back to the sad piece I was working on. Keep your fingers crossed that I'd be able to finish both by the end of this week!
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2009-05-15T00:50:00.000-04:00

Okay so I lost my BB last week and haven't been able to update my progress but I'm happy that I found a moment to do so now. I've been working away slowly writing up more songs and trying to work out the lyrics and melodies that reside in my head.

But between catching up with friends after work and family coming from far places both this weekend and next, I'm going to be tight for time. However, I did manage to get a capo from Cosmo's music store. A cute guy helped me out. Lol. I think I will try to finish up some songs this weekend.

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2009-05-04T20:47:00.000-04:00

This weekend was pretty busy. With Friday coming home tired, and Saturday filled with playing with Louie and Han Jin... I think I was too tired to do anything else on Sunday.

So instead of doing anything active I took a nap. Now I've come to the realization that tomorrow is another day of work. This isn't something that I'm looking forward which obviously tells me that I need time off. But sadly I won't have a chance till September. So I will have to suck it up and wait.

Instead I need to focus on time on biking and writing my songs. The goal is to have a small concert at the end of August. That will keep me motivated.
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2009-05-02T09:42:00.000-04:00

Its a beautiful day outside and I am already tired. I biked to the gym and did some strength training but didn't have the energy to bike back home so... I called home and my brother is coming to pick me up.

However I have to figure out what needs to be made for lunch to feed the hungry mass but make sure that it doesn't take too long because my focus is on my music. I was thinking a simple garlic and chicken pasta with salad.
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2009-05-01T13:46:00.003-04:00

Yesterday's meeting with Dave and Sandra went well. Louie helped me purchase my domain name and we went over the overall concept of the website. Sandra asked me if I wanted the website to be dark or light and I said I'd like it to be dark with a glimmer of light. LOL.

I'm very excited about the whole project. And then there's tomorrow's jam session. I hope the weather holds so that we can kind of write music outside on the deck and come back inside to record. Or... I could always bring my computer outside.

I didn't have time to finish my lyrics to "Mamma Says". But maybe I'll be able to come up with something late tonight. Keep my fingers crossed!

2009-04-30T10:52:00.002-04:00

I broke the 1st E string on the guitar my cousin lent me while I was tuning it. I was looking forward to playing on it so I hit the note and noticed that it was off tune. So I took to my BOSS tuner and was tightening it when... it lashed at me! The string broke off and this white peg that holds the string down bounced out and I couldn't find it to fix the problem.

I didn't even get to play a song on it before I had to retire it for the evening. And sadly I couldn't find the damn white plug even though I was on my hands and knees. I hope I can find it today.

And tomorrow is finally Friday! But today is exciting as well seeing as how I'm meeting up with David and Sandra to go over website ideas. I can't wait to start spewing ideas. I should print out sites I like so it has a similar feeling.

2009-04-29T19:28:00.000-04:00

I am looking forward to tomorrow's meeting with Dave and Sandra! They are going to help me build a website and help me format my myspace music page. I can't wait! It seems like I have so many things to look forward to this week.

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2009-04-29T11:03:00.002-04:00

I hope I'm not letting myself get overexcited but I'm looking forward to this Saturday. My friend Louie and cousin HanJin are coming over to help record another song. I need to work on the lyrics of this piece. I'm happy to say that it is more upbeat and I envision electric guitars, drums and perhaps even a piano and an acoustic guitar. I'm thinking of calling this piece Mamma Says.

In other news I've been passing "From All The Storm" amongst my close friends and the feedback seems to be good in general. I do need to make a few improvements like better recording equipment to help capture my voice better. But I do like the rawness of it and how my voice sounds.

2009-04-23T10:58:00.002-04:00

When you keep looking at other artists and realize that there's a flood of them out there you start doubting yourself and the drive within you. I'm not sure there's a way to avoid the insecurities. You start questioning yourself if you're good enough and whether you'll get anywhere. I guess the reason why so many people don't go after their dreams is because they don't want to wake up to find themselves without one anymore. What happens if you try and you fail? You don't have a dream to hang onto. But that's a sad reason in itself to not try. Because if you don't try then you'll never know.

This is what I want to do with my life so I'm trying. That's all that matters.

If I can evoke emotions in other people through my music and if someone out there gets goosebumps after hearing my music then I'm halfway there.

I guess I should really start posting my music up. I need help though. But it will be uploaded one way or another! The will is strong!

2009-04-20T22:10:00.000-04:00

I have now gone from als to aiff to m4a. But at least its gone down in size from 55 mb to 9 mb. Not the most perfect compression but its better than nothing.

My sister listened to it and seemed to like it. And I can't wait to polish up the song my adding other instruments. Another guitar, piano and cello would be nice. I'm excited about the weekend because I hope to have a new guitar by then and maybe borrow Louie's keyboard. Adding a new dimension to the song will be quite exciting.

I wish it weren't so cold and rainy. I'm hoping that my next song will be more upbeat. For some reason I find it easier to write sad songs.

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2009-04-20T00:26:00.000-04:00

So now that I figured out the very bare basics of Ableton Live I recorded a new song. I did so many takes that my finger tips hurt. It also made me realize that I need to purchase my own guitar.

The only problem I face now is taking the AIFF file and converting it to an mp3. And it seems very complicated at this moment. So I'm stuck with a 55 MB song that I can't send anyone. I guess I have to keep at it.
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Hooking Up

2009-04-18T10:50:00.000-04:00

Of course when I say hooking up its not in that context. Although at this point... okay so maybe its better not to go there.

Louie kindly lent me a program and a mic to record on my Mac. I've been strumming melodies out but haven't recorded anything but yesterday I managed to figure out the basics (of course with Louie's help again) and tested the waters. And success! It sounds pretty good with very little background noise and when I reach my high notes or sing loud it can still hold it. So this weekend I'm going to try posting at least one of my songs online.

The only thing that I have to figure out how to play with is the way it interprets my voice. My voice sounds higher than it actually is on the recording. But I can get to that later. First things first. And I'm once again excited.
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2009-04-14T20:54:00.000-04:00

Today, I sat in my room and tried to put lyrics to my music but it sounded horrible. My voice was cracking due to the amount of milk I had and I felt totally uninspired. Days like this gets me down. It makes everything seem so far away. But I need to find inspiration and carry forth. I want to make it. So I must stay dedicated.

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A New Melody In The Works

2009-04-08T23:03:00.000-04:00

I sat down today and oddly enough in the comfort of my bathroom I came up with a new melody. I haven't recorded the melody yet so I'm hoping that I'll still remember tomorrow. I'd like to eventually post my songs and lyrics online but I think I have to find a way to copyright it first.

If anyone has any tips or suggestions I'd greatly appreciate it.

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2009-04-06T18:08:00.000-04:00

If you know you're meant for more, if you know you can be greater than you are at the moment do you leave everything behind to pursue it?
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In Sync

2009-04-06T12:36:00.000-04:00

I now can blog via my BB. And I feel motivated to keep up with how I'm progressing with my music. There are times when I truly feel as if its too far fetched and I'm just dreaming away in lala land. I have a good job and I should focus on it but I can't seem to tear myself away from the pull towards music.

So where am I now? I have to make a purchase. My first and very own guitar but I need to go with someone who is knowledgeable in this area. I've yet to find someone. Then I need to keep up with my music and work my ass off because I have big plans for August. I'm hoping that I can work towards my mini goals and take it from there.

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2009-03-31T11:59:00.002-04:00

I know it's been a while since my last post. During the last month I've celebrated my 25th birthday and my friends got me a gift card for Steve's to help me make my first guitar purchase.

But these days I've become very uninspired and feeling down. I'm hoping that this will pass. All I can seem to sing about are sad, depressing songs.

I think I need to refresh my mind and get away from everything.

2009-02-04T10:57:00.002-05:00

All this Valentines Day nonsense is killing my buzz for love songs. Perhaps if I wasn't single then I wouldn't seem so bitter. But I can't stand looking at all the cupids, flowers and pink pink pink! Hm... maybe I should write an anti love song... I wonder how the melody would flow. And instead of "I love you, I love you" it'd be "I hate you, I hate you". It sounds too angry...

2009-02-04T10:51:00.002-05:00

I want to post my lyrics online but I'm half afraid that someone would steal my lyrics. This isn't to say that my lyrics are worthy of stealing but I can't help but feel paranoid. So until I figure out how to copyright it... because you never know, sadly I won't be posting up my lyrics. In the meantime, my creative juices have seemed to be flowing. I have the basic melody of my next song. Followed by a more upbeat one. I can't help but be attracted to the more heart wrenching love songs. Still, I'm trying to have fun and stay in the same genre of music when writing my upbeat song. I don't want to work on a folksy song and then change suddenly to pop or alternative.

2009-01-11T03:21:00.002-05:00

The topic so far... I have all these melodies that keep swimming around in my head. Writing lyrics is harder than it seems. There are a million things that you can focus on. I think I'm doomed to start with the chorus then figure out the beginning and the end. Does my inability to choose a topic to sing about prove that I have a short attention span?

a new year a new journey

2009-01-09T13:09:00.002-05:00

I've always had the desire to sing and produce my own music. It always seemed far fetched and unachievable. But I've decided that instead of wondering what it would be like, I'm going to try my hand at writing, singing and playing.

The only song that I've ever written was back in grade 12 for my OAC Creative Writing class. I brought down my stereo, placed a blank tape, hooked up a microphone and placed it near the piano as I played my song and sang into the mic. It was nerve wracking because I knew that my teacher was going to listen to it. But I was surprised that she liked it and wanted a copy. Why I didn't keep it up, I'm not sure. But I think it's the right time for me to pick it up. There's no age limit when it comes to music.

So I picked up a guitar last Saturday. My friend lent it to me. And I've been practicing diligently. My fingers have started to form callsues. I feel like I'm accomplishing something every single time I press my left fingers to hold the strings down. And every single time I strum a chord on the guitar, I feel like I'm one step closer to getting there. the journey may be long but I have a feeling that I'm meant to do this. Like this is the only way I can trully connect with people and tell stories. Tell my stories. Stories I've kept in my diaries and stories I've shared with family and friends. I want to be able to channel it through my songs. So this weekend, I'll start writing and see where it takes me.

If ever I tire, which I'm sure there will be times when I feel like I can't go on, I'll just look for new inspirations. I feel like I have a long road ahead of me but I love music too much to be set back by that idea.

2008-12-10T15:21:00.002-05:00

I saw a guy at Starbucks today. He reminded me of Robert Pattison. He was good looking in the non traditional sense. I don't think I'm very attracted to "pretty boys". They just don't seem to be manly enough for my taste.

I know that this guy works at Starbucks as I've seen him before. Kind of wish I could flirt with him. If only I were good at flirting.

2008-12-09T15:30:00.002-05:00

As childish as it is I can't help but keep reading the Twilight saga. I'm on my second book and will be going to Chapters/Indigo to buy the last two remaining books for the saga. I'm so excited but I hope the ending isn't disappointing. I can't wait to go home and curl under my covers to finish reading the novel.

2008-12-08T16:39:00.000-05:00

FedEx simply pisses me off.

2008-12-08T13:14:00.002-05:00

I spoke with my friend and she informed me that the date went well. My cousin is supposed to call her again sometime this week to have a second date.

Besides the fact that I literally did nothing but stay home and watch movies and read Twilight I don't feel like doing anything at all. This of course includes work but I can't help but pick up Twilight during my lunch hour to read while slowly chomping down on some fast food Chinese. Coincidentally this cheap Chinese isn't good for me either.

I'm really enjoying Edward in Twilight. He seems smart, witty and borderlines the dangerous type that all girls fantasize about. I often wonder if I'll ever meet someone like that or if I'll meet some regular chap who works a 9 - 5 job. Sometimes I think having someone should be good enough but there are times when I think that I want a passionate love - the ones you hear of and see in black and white movies. Then, there are simply times when I think I'll never meet the right person. Still I'm already more than halfway through Twilight and I'm intent on finishing the novel tonight only to pick up sequel soon after! How will I survive this work week?!

2008-12-05T15:02:00.002-05:00

I've taken a new profession. Matchmaking. I've set my friend and cousin up on a date. I can't take credit for what happens tonight but I hope that they hit it off. I feel like Jane Austen's Emma. Except Emma was a horrible matchmaker and I'm hoping that I'll be better at it then Emma was.

My friend is an elementary school music teacher who excels in piano (has a masters) and my cousin is a chiropractor. Both are around the same age and both can speak English. I think this is an important fact - that both can speak English fluently.

Keep my fingers crossed to see if my matchmaking skills are up to par!

2008-12-03T23:11:00.001-05:00

I have an audition with a chamber choir. I missed singing so I took steps to find my voice again. Next Tuesday I have an audition and I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I hope I do well and enjoy it!

2008-12-03T23:03:00.002-05:00

I realized something today. There's a reason why girls can get over guys easily. Jerks aren't very difficult to forget. I've met my fair share of jerks. Someone who can only think of themselves or may not appreciate friendship is a jerk. When you make plans with someone, you should call the day before or earlier to ensure that you're meeting is still on - this is common courtesy. What exactly is a wink over msn supposed to mean?

Then there are the ones who say that they'll get in contact with you but never do. What's the point of saying it at all if you don't mean to live up to it. Their words bear no weight. Instead their words are empty and meaningless. I think this reflects on the type of person that they are. I've put these two guys in the past. I'm moving forward and don't want to deal with it anymore.

Of course there are the idiots that want you, toss you, want you, toss you and for some incredibly mind boggling reason they want you again. Why toss it in the first place? You should treasure what you have and work through any problems you may come across. Guys are often too selfish to understand that it's not only about them but about the other person in the relationship.

2008-12-03T10:46:00.002-05:00

I haven't read Twilight yet but I did go to see the movie. And let me tell you that Rob Pattison is HOT! I love his voice, especially when he sings. He has this deep and husky voice that makes you swoon. It's incredibly sexy. Hearing him makes you think "Now that's what a man should sound like." Although the movie wasn't great I still loved the romance between the two characters.

My sister, on the other hand, hates the book and the movie. But I'm going to find out for myself when I buy the series this Friday to spend the weekend indulging myself in some fictional romance that includes vampires.

2008-11-25T17:27:00.002-05:00

My day was crappy went to good to crappy again.

I purchased tickets to the TSO Messiah for my parents - since they enjoy classical music. When I informed my father he didn't want to go. I feel so *arggh!* - can't even describe it. I try to do something special and this is what I get for it. Truly, this is depressing. Why do I even bother?! Well because I want them to have a great time. The truth is that I'll probably keep trying, they're bound to like something.

2008-11-25T10:58:00.001-05:00

I don't feel like working today. Kind of a shitty day. I wish I were home curled up in bed.

2008-11-19T15:55:00.002-05:00

Monday night, I was at Eaton Centre trying on dresses from various stores. Store after store, dress after dress not only did I feel discouraged but sad that I couldn't fit into the dresses that I wanted, the way I wanted. So yesterday I went to the gym and I plan on going to the gym tonight. Losing weight is sure not easy. Maybe if I do mental imagery then I'll lose weight faster. It was on the Science channel after all.

2008-11-17T13:51:00.001-05:00

It's time I cut my losses and move forward. Come to think of it... I didn't really lose anything! Just moving forward then.

Martha, Martha, Martha

2008-11-12T14:15:00.002-05:00

I've always had a soft spot for Martha Stewart. I love her website and all the crafts and glory that stem from her empire. I've always joked around that I could be the Asian version of Martha Stewart and the truth is I secretly wish I could.

But since I know that's a long shot, I've settled for my first subscription to a magazine. I'll be getting my free preview issue of Everyday Foods and Martha Stewart Living in my mail in the next few weeks. I'm excited!

2008-11-04T23:13:00.002-05:00

Since signing up on POF again I've managed to go on 2 more dates. The first one I actually had a great time and we both made reference to the next time we\d go out. But sadly it seems like the guy isn't as interested since we've just chatted a few times on msn and nothing more. Who knows when I'll be seeing him again so I'm not going to bother thinking that things will get anywhere with this one.

Then there's my second date. This one is a bit scary and could qualify to be a stalker. The date itself was horrible and lasted only an hour. I couldn't stand to be on a date with him anymore. He's extremely clingy... I mean if I liked him I don't think I'd mind but I wasn't interested in him at all! He seemed like a nice guy but he didn't have any common sense.

So I'm back at square one. Getting tired of the site a little but it doesn't hurt to leave my profile up. I'm just going to focus on myself and take it from there. Besides I'm looking forward to the company party and finding a cute dress to wear! Can't wait to have a nice martini and have a good time!

2008-10-22T19:43:00.002-04:00

The thing about dating websites is that it's really kind of creepy. In reality you're sitting in front of your computer flipping through an endless online catalogue, checking to see if someone's up for sale. It's like you're standing up on the podium waiting for someone good to bid on you. How is this really supposed to make us feel. Is this what the next generation has brought us to? Instead of meeting someone randomly on the street or through a friend, millions of users are now signing up online to look for their other half.

I've tried. Deleted my account and recently I've signed up again. But the moment I signed up, I remembered why I had my reservations in the first place. We're all looking. Whether it's for that perfect person or to find chemistry with a total stranger, we're looking. The thing is, I just realized that maybe I'm not ready for dating someone. I'm not ready to take that next step. Maybe I'm afraid of getting hurt again or maybe I think I should focus on me first before considering that I need a significant other in my life.

We all long for companionship. And as we approach closer to the tender age of thirty we come to realize that perhaps we're just scared that we'll end up alone. But if it takes someone else to make you happy how can you ever be happy with yourself?

2008-09-22T00:47:00.002-04:00

Tonight I was cleaning my room a bit and I came across a book. Not a novel but rather a scrapbook. I had forgotten that I even had it. A black book filled with pages where people wrote me wonderful birthday wishes - from nearly 5 years ago. Some of them I don't even keep in contact with anymore. It's odd the girl who organized in getting this book ready for me, I no longer keep in contact with. It saddens and amazes me the number of people that come and go in your life. You think that they're so close one minute but you never know who will be in your life permanently. So much is up to chance. There are no guarantees that the people that like you now will like you later down the road.

I suppose the same can be said about love. That's why parents are said to have unconditional love for their children. Because no matter where you are, who you become or what you've done parents are supposed to love you regardless. I wish the same can be said about the girlish romantic love.

The Sushi Lady

2008-09-18T16:11:00.001-04:00

I frequently visit a sushi restaurant called Gonoe Sushi. It's run by Korean people and they know right off the bat what I'm going to order - mainly because I order the same dish... all the time. Yesterday, I was picking up lunch and the Korean women asked me "Do you have a boyfriend?" I of course replied with a no because I don't... but she didn't bother saying anything else after wards.

Odd. What was the point of asking me?

Running on a Full Stomach

2008-09-11T12:53:00.002-04:00

I've just finished lunch at work. I wish it were Friday already but that is still one day away. I'm so stuffed... I had unhealthy food today and must compensate by working it off at the gym - although working out to work off what you ate isn't helpful in trimming down on your waist size. lol.

Yesterday I went to the Toronto International Film Festival with Judy. We went to watch Fifty Dead Men Walking and though gruesome at times, it was a very interesting movie. Jim. S. did a great job acting out Martin. M. I would recommend others to see this movie. Surprisingly we had good seats. This is considering that I didn't know what kind of seats we had. We not only sat in the main section at Roy Thompson Hall but had priority seating as well. We were at the front of the line which made us feel geeky but we were glad we went early. The weather was great and even managed to see some of the actors. Ben Kingsley, Kevin Zegers, Jim Sturgess and Rose McGowan. I wasn't start struck as I am not usually star struck by actors but the evening was great!

Driving to Hamilton

2008-09-03T19:46:00.002-04:00

I just finished catching up with a good family friend. She had a lot of stories to tell me about her boyfriend of four months. He's in Germany and she's in Montreal and they're trying to make their long distance relationship work. I hope it works out for them.

But I didn't want to go to sleep without getting some thoughts out on the table. I drove my sister and brother to Hamilton tonight and while driving back I had the same feeling that I've had every year for the past three years. I'm going to an empty house. Of course my dog and parents are home... but it always feel empty when people you've spent a lot of time with are no longer by your side. I suppose that's the tragedy of growing fond of someone and getting used to a routine.

I feel a little empty without either of my siblings here but I'm going to have to get used to it... who's going to keep me company now? Besides my dog that is. lol

2008-09-02T01:17:00.004-04:00

Whenever autumn comes, I am reminded of "You've Got Mail". There's a line in the movie when Meg Ryan states that one of her favourite things about Fall is the return to school and the bouquet of pencils. It's weird to not return to school this September. No more back to school shopping... although that pretty much stopped after grade 10. I remember how excited and anxious I felt the night before the first day of school. Even though after the first day of school, everything would return to normal... I always enjoyed the excitement of the first day of classes.

Old Main Street

2008-09-02T00:45:00.004-04:00

Today was a full day to say the least. We woke up and had some Vietnamese food for lunch and headed to Old Main Street. It's always beautiful to walk around there. They blocked off the streets. People were walking around, eating ice cream while listening to jazz music being played in the background. The weather was great and it was a wonderful way to spend the last day of summer. We grabbed some frozen yogurt and took pictures. I also got to wear my straw hat - which I bought in South Korea.

I can't believe it's already September! I spent the rest of the afternoon on my deck with Amanda and waited for the evening to roll around. We had dinner with Jeff and after dropping off Amanda, Jeff and I headed to Go for Tea for some bubble tea. We talked and walked around for a bit... discussing break ups and the difficulties that relationships pose. Still we both came out optimistic at the end of our conversation.

Tomorrow is another day of work and I feel that long weekends are bad as you have difficulty returning to work. I still haven't managed to touch our new software... which I must wake up early tomorrow morning to do. I don't know where my weekend went. It flew by! But I am looking forward to September as it will quickly turn to October. Thanksgiving - turkey, cranberry sauce, apple pies, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and candied yams! Then of course there's Halloween followed by Christmas! I'm so excited!

Clean Car

2008-09-01T11:37:00.001-04:00

I just needed to point out the fact that my car is clean once again! I spent yesterday night with my cousin and sister cleaning the inside and outside of the car. I wonder how long it'll stay clean...

Yoga

2008-09-01T11:30:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, my sister and I took our first yoga class. I made sure that it was a beginner's class as I didn't want to look like an idiot trying to hold difficult poses. A little intimidated at first, as soon as the class begun, I started to sweat profusely. Even though we were just using our bodies, stretching and breathing deeply... let me tell you it wasn't easy! Even for a beginner's class! But once I got into it, it was relaxing and it worked out my whole body. I'm not sure if I'll become a yoga addict but I'm planning on going back to the downtown studio next Saturday.

My sister, who is difficult to please, thought yoga was "AWESOME". It'd be nice to go with her but unfortunately she will be returning to Hamilton on Wednesday night. The best part about yoga is how relaxing you feel at the end of it. You relieve all your stress and you feel incredibly calm.

The day is beautiful today and I'll be going out with friends to Old Main Street. Going to pick up photography again - but I'll start by using my brother's DSLR then slowly work my way back into manual. Looking forward to the day!

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

2008-08-31T00:07:00.002-04:00

Tonight, I went with my sister and Bianca to watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I had my reservations about this movie because I'm not a huge fan of Scarlett Johansson or Penelope Cruz. Still, my sister wanted to watch this movie so I decided to give it a chance. If you've ever watched a Woody Allen movie before, you'd question what kind of ending he has in store for you. However, this movie was surprisingly straightforward and seemed to delve into people's personalities and what everyone seeks from life. This of course being love and what we're willing to settle for. The ending - and for those who intend on watching it, I will not spoil it - was quite satisfying.

Meanwhile, I enjoyed the music played throughout the movie. In one scene, there was an intimate moment between the characters Vicky and Juan Antonio. Not in the physical way you'd imagine but rather on an emotional level. The two were sitting with a small group of people listening to a Spanish guitarist play the guitar. It was touching and it made me wonder how many people are moved by music and understand the emotional subtleties that bind you to it.

Scarlett Johansson's character, Vicky, on the other hand decided to pick up photography halfway through the movie. She even set up a dark room in Juan Antonio's house/studio. This reminded me of my high school days and thought that it might be a good idea to pick up manual photography again. I've always enjoyed black and white photography but have opened my mind up to colour photography today. Perhaps later this year I can manage to set up a dark room in my basement again. I will have to look into purchasing the equipment. I still have some photo paper left from 5 years ago. I don't think it's been exposed to the light... maybe I can still use it.

No More Fish

2008-08-29T13:35:00.002-04:00

I have deleted my POF account. For those who are wondering what POF is, it is an online dating community. It's not because I finally met the perfect person but rather after a few months on this site, I have become tired of it. Even though I have received numerous messages from various guys, none seemed quite that interesting. I guess the site just isn't for me.

Besides no one can say that I haven't tried it.

2008-08-28T23:32:00.000-04:00

The Line Between Friends and Work

2008-08-28T23:10:00.004-04:00

How do you separate friends from work? I've noticed that men tend to separate the two better than women. Still how do you place business and personal in different compartments? This morning I felt distressed as I came across this situation again. It's not the first time that work related tension arose between the two of us (my friend and I). From where I stood it seemed like she didn't respect me. Just because I have shared personal stories with her in the past doesn't mean that she can treat me any less than she does my boss. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I did mention it to my manager and one of my bosses. Sometimes I can't decide if I'm overreacting or if I have every right to be upset.

So my morning started off on the wrong foot and it was a Thursday. Kind of wished it was a Friday. But tomorrow should be better as the next day is Saturday. I'm looking forward to enjoying my long weekend... though I have to dedicate some time doing work related tasks.

A Very Sweet Line

2008-08-28T22:32:00.000-04:00

"The compass of my heart has always pointed to her."

Somewhere Deep Inside You

2008-08-27T00:31:00.003-04:00

I've been busy with work. Steadily, my workload has increased and as I've been given more responsibility with jobs, I feel more confident. Even as summer comes to an end, I feel calm and happy. I can't say that my life is perfect. There are flaws as I have flaws. But having imperfect moments in my life has allowed me to treasure the perfect moments more. The past three weeks has involved some ups and downs but I think I've managed to find a steady ground. To be happy with myself and enjoy life.

To be able to share this joy with someone else would make me even happier but if it doesn't happen I'm still standing strong. I'm trying not to spend so much energy and time stressing over something that my not be in my control. This is partly why I've come to think that yoga would be good - deep breathing, long stretched poses and a time of meditation. I think I'll try it out this Saturday. I'll be sure to post my experience.

Speaking of experiences, I met up with my friend Darsan yesterday for dinner. A good friend from school, I see him every 3 months or so. One thing I noticed yesterday was how sweet he was. Even amongst the various guy friends I have, Darsan seemed to be the sweetest thus far. Although we are just friends, he still came around to my side of the door and opened it for me. When he drove me back to my car (since we only took one car) he walked me to my car (which wasn't very far from his) and once again opened the door for me. I'm the type of person who really appreciates small gestures like that. Then again, maybe Darsan knows that I'm a romantic and makes an effort to accommodate me when we meet. Nevertheless for something that doesn't cost a penny I think all guys should be more chivalrous. Still, I suppose everyone has their own way of showing their sweetness.

Somewhere deep inside us we all crave to be cared for and treasured by someone else. We all crave to be held. And if you ever feel let down, somewhere deep inside you, you'll find the spark of happiness you may be desperately seeking.

Karaoke

2008-07-28T18:01:00.005-04:00

I finally managed to go karaokeing in Korea! When my cousin asked if I wanted to go, I couldn't get out the door fast enough. Even though it was only my cousin, sister and me, it was incredibly fun. The last time I tried to go karaoking, the plan got blotched. My coworkers and I had dinner at Spring Rolls and headed to a nice karaoke place but when we arrived, the doors were locked and we couldn't get in. Hopefully they didn't close down. Still, the fact that we had been looking forward to karaoking but failed to do so was a big let down.

The television screens used inside the karaoke place was quite big. The room itself was larger but obviously the English song selection was lacking. I don't know if it was the mic or the echo effect that was programmed in the machine... the sound quality wasn't very good. I knew I wasn't off tune but the mic/echo distorted the sound. First song of the night was Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. Just for fun.

I don't know how long we were there for but time flew by. Perhaps I can go one more time before I head back to Toronto next Thursday! I was supposed to go to the museum yesterday and meet my mother's friend today but my plans have changed once again. Instead I'll go to the museum today and meet my mother's friend next Monday. I'm looking forward to seeing what the museum holds.

Can't Sleep

2008-07-27T14:20:00.003-04:00

It's now 3:30 in the morning. Outside, the bugs are making calls to their mates. Their calls are steady and you can hear it at all hours. I awoke after sleeping for 3 hours because of the humidity. There's no breeze, even at night. The weather is tolerable when there's a breeze. Even though it rained for the past 4 days, the heat and humidity remains the same.

I've been counting how many days I have left before my return. It doesn't feel like I've been away for over three weeks. Soon this vacation will be over. Already it's Monday here. I'm going to visit Seoul's National Museum today with my siblings and my brother's friend. On Tuesday I'll be out all day with my mother's friend. Wednesday we'll visit the palace in central Seoul and Thursday we'll have to find something to occupy our time before packing and heading over to my grandmother's house in Boo Chun.

A couple of things I have yet to cross off my to do list include going karaoking and visiting a steam room (very popular). I'm hoping to do these things with my cousin when he comes out for vacation from the military. A part of me misses the Western culture. Miss home. Miss my parents. Miss my dog.

Small Changes

2008-07-25T20:18:00.007-04:00

While going through my old posts, I noticed a change in myself. Looking back, I'm unsure where I found the courage to be so open. Reading old blogs and comments makes me realize how much time has passed since I first wrote my entry. Halfway across the world, I've finally found the time to organize my blog. I can start with a clean slate.

The past three weeks have come and gone. At first, I felt uncomfortable in South Korea. Their values differ from the one I've grown accustomed to. While reading the newspaper on my way to Jeju Island, an article discussed the government's implementation of enforcing government employees to drive only every other day to work to cut down on emissions. The government employee who was interviewed did not give their full name. Instead, all that was released was their last name. To live in fear of being judged would certainly make me feel like I've lost my rights to express my thoughts. To live in fear of retribution is to live in a small cell.

This isn't to say that there aren't good things about South Korea. The subway system is amazing! There's always something to do till early morn. In this aspect, South Korea is more enjoyable. However the latest I've managed to stay out at night has been till midnight. The streets are dirty though and there's a distinct odour that envelopes you while you walk in the narrow sidewalks. There's always a traffic jam as cars switch lanes relentlessly. During busy hours, the subway cars are jammed with people trying to squeeze their way in. Summer here is humid. The moment you step outside, the sun beats down on you and before you know it, beads of sweat form on your face.

I have less than 2 weeks left in this country before I head home but I've managed to finally settle in. Today I'm going to visit the area I grew up in. They say it's changed alot. I wonder if it resembles anything to what's left in my memories.